The Slopchap Method
2026's hottest new model painting technique!
Over the holidays, I’ve discovered a new way to paint your wargaming miniatures! I call it the Slopchap method: It is a derivation of the Slapchop method, with a focus on impatience, hard-headedness and hubris.
Follow the steps below to try out this exciting and maddening new painting technique! And you too can produce amazing paint jobs like my Jade Falcons:
Step 1: Factual Indifference
Have the Slapchop method be explained to you by friends and/or family.
Forget 90% of what you were told immediately afterwards. (Sorry, Ethan & Chris.)
Decide not to actually search for Slapchop tutorials before getting started.
Step 2: Spray & Pray
Instead of drybrushing a gray base onto the model, misremember that the model must be primed with gray spray paint.
Despite it being around 40° Fahrenheit and windy outside, commit to priming the models.
Wonder why the primer layer looks so spotty.
Strip the spotty primer off the models. Get a headache from sniffing rubbing alcohol.
Several days later, spray prime the models again; this time, choose a day that is still 40° Fahrenheit & windy, but sunny. Convince yourself the sun will make things better.
Wonder why the primer layer looks a little better but still spotty.
Step 3: Crappy Contrasting & Detailing
Apply contrast paint across the entire primed models. Be sure to work very fast and ignore where the contrast paint pools into globs.
Try and fail to fix the globs when they’re dry.
Work impatiently to layer secondary colors onto the models. Be sure not to thin your paints so that those colors also look globby in bigger patches.
Fix detailing mistakes with the contrast paint. Get frustrated that it takes multiple passes because contrast paint isn’t designed to do that.
Step 4: Final Heavy-Handed Touches
Finally look up a Slapchop painting guide and figure out you’ve done nearly every step wrong.
Decide to cover up all the mistakes using non-model paint. In my case, I used AK Sand Terrain paint because, ya know, Scouring Sands!?
Make a quick “wash” of your non-model paint and put just a little bit on a few models.
Be surprised that it doesn’t look too bad!
Apply more than you did before across all the models without thinking about that there might be too much of a good thing.
Wince once you’ve realized what you’ve done.
Step 5: Defiance & Reluctant Acceptance
Look for the positive. Hey, look at how all the sloppy terrain paint covers up a lot of your painting mistakes! And the canopies actually look nice.
Post pictures of your models online, expecting a little praise. Receive none.
Decide that the next time you paint minis, you’ll actually read and follow the guide.
Accept the multiple imperfections on the models, because at least now you can use them in the Aces campaign.
Sometimes things don't go quite to plan. Great read, though. Keep up the good work!